


A Shoulder To Lean On

by shadowed_sunsets



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: AU after LotTL, Angst, Darkfic, Hurt/Comfort, but it gets better?, likely abandoned sorry, poor Doctor gets some whumping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-04-05
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-21 16:54:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17047025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowed_sunsets/pseuds/shadowed_sunsets
Summary: AU after LotTL. Darkfic. When some time has passed after the Year that Never was, the Doctor returns to Jack's side unstable and almost broken by the events he has suffered through. With Jack's help, the Doctor finds the will to live again; only to have to once again face an age-old nemesis. And this time, even with the help of his friends, he may not be able to recover.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Heavy spoilers for LotTL and light ones for VotD.

It had started off as just another normal, boring day. Well, as boring as working for Torchwood could be. He spent most of his time out in the field tracking down any, and there were a lot, disturbances their technology detected of that he then did his best to contain and resolve the situation- with the least number of humans, and aliens, harmed or injured.  
  
His time with the Doctor had taught him many things- most importantly not to shoot first and ask questions later. Not all aliens he came across were violent or had bad intentions, some were simply curious about the Earth. Weapons weren’t always necessary.  
  
And, because he had taken all of his experience with the Doctor and used it- as well as sharing with his team-Torchwood’s database of alien technology, their understanding of anything not of Earth as well as their known alien languages grew rapidly after Jack’s arrival.  
  
Instead of always doing terrible things and detesting anything alien, Torchwood was finally fighting on the right side again.  
  
It hadn’t been long since the Year that Never Was. Only a few months really, and Jack could still feel its influences. Phantom pain from the countless times and ways the Master had killed him over and over again; nightmares about all the horrible things that had happened on that ship, not only to him but also to the Doctor as well as Martha and her family; the sight of the Doctor being treated like nothing more than an animal (by a supposed old “friend”); the anguish and pain he customarily saw in those deep, brown eyes; watching as the Master hurt his friend both mentally and physically- while he himself wasn’t able to comfort or reassure or simply hold the Doctor the one time when his friend needed him the most; and, having to watch as the Earth was destroyed below him, the human race getting closer to extinction every time a person died.  
  
And it was all because of the Master.  
  
Jack rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand, the uncapped pen leaving a faint trail of black across his cheek Not that he would admit it to anyone, but he was tired, so tired. Just when he was starting to drift off or was sure that this time he would be able to sleep freely without any nightmares images, horrible images, would flash across his closed eyes and Jack would force himself awake.  
  
He knew his team worried about him, he could see it in their expressions and the way they constantly tried to silently comfort him, and how they did things without him having to ask- supposedly all out of worry over him.  
  
So tonight when he’d told his team he was staying late to finish some paperwork, they had shared worried glances and then quickly offered to stay behind with him- to keep him company.  
  
But the man had just shaken his head in response and offered them thin, false reassurances pretending he would be fine, since he was always fine.  
  
It was now late into the night, several hours later, and he was beginning to regret that decision. It wasn’t that he was afraid of the dark or lonely- okay, well maybe he was. Lonely that is.  
  
Just the thought of him being the only one in the entire building, and of all the dark, empty hallways and rooms were enough to send chills down his spine- and remind him of Satellite Five.  
  
It had been a long time since he’d been left alone in that place with the ruins of the game station, the dead bodies and the Dalek remains. Since then he and the Doctor had quickly made amends over him being left behind, now they were once again good friends.  
  
At least, he thought they were. After what happened on the Valiant and with the Master Jack wasn’t sure anymore, they had both been hurt so badly in that one year.  
  
Jack suddenly straightened from his position bent over the desk and raised his head, eyes searching the dark office.  
  
It couldn’t be…. Since they had parted ways he hadn’t heard from the Doctor or seen him at all. His friend had made himself scarce, and Jack was fairly sure the man didn’t even know where his office was.  
  
Slowly, cautiously, Jack turned around- one hand positioned a few inches away from where he kept his blaster for emergencies.  
  
But apparently his ears hadn’t tricked him because, appearing right in front of him, was the blue police box he remembered so well.  
  
Jack barely had enough time to stand up from his chair and set down the pen he had been writing with, all within moments of each other, before the Tardis fully materialized in his office and he heard the unforgettable sound of the doors opening.  
  
Then, before Jack could react a streak of brown was flying towards him and suddenly someone was pressed tightly up against him, arms wrapped tightly around his middle with a heavy weight on his shoulder and short hair tickling his neck.  
  
Jack blinked in surprise and stood stunned for a moment before enfolding the person in his arms, tightly holding the thin body against him.  
  
It took the man a little while longer to realize that this stranger, whoever he was holding, was shaking almost uncontrollably- and for him to feel the dampness in the shoulder of his shirt.  
  
This realization shocked Jack into loosening his grip and trying to gently pull the person away so he could find out what was wrong.  
  
But it only made the man press more firmly against him, almost desperately, and to begin sobbing quietly a few inches away from his ear.  
  
Jack kept one arm wrapped loosely around the person’s waist as he raised the other to lay it lightly on top of a head covered with soft, short hair,  
  
As soon as his hand came into contact with those silky strands, he knew.  
  
This man desperately pressing against him and crying into his shoulder was, indeed, the Doctor.  
  
Jack began lightly ruffling the Doctor’s hair, occasionally running his fingers through it until finally his friend seemed to have calmed. At least enough to stop crying for the moment.  
  
He tried again to gently push the man away from him, if only so he could see his friends face, and was partially successful this time.  
  
The Doctor allowed himself to be moved far enough so that Jack could see his face, but still close enough to keep his arms clasped around Jack and his head lightly resting against the clothed shoulder.  
  
“Doctor?” He asked quietly, fighting to keep his voice calm.  
  
His friend didn’t answer.  
  
Jack sighed, gently removing his hand from the soft brown strands to rest on the thin, shaking shoulder. “Doctor, please. Say something- anything.”  
  
Under his hand the man shifted, and tried to pull close to Jack again. But when Jack didn’t react the Doctor sighed softly and stilled.  
  
A few long minutes went by, filled with Jack waiting silently, hoping desperately for his friend to say at least a word- just one word. But the other man stayed completely still, almost deadly still. The only way Jack knew that the Doctor was still with him was the quiet sound of two hearts beating, and the barely-there feeling of light puffs of air on his neck.  
  
He had seen the Doctor like this before, seen his friend in such a state where he seemingly shut down- not speaking, not responding, and not reacting to the world at all.  
  
Just lost within his thoughts, and his mind.  
  
Which, for the Doctor was not a good thing- as Jack had come to realize time and time again.  
  
Once again the man he knew was lost, replaced by an empty shell with only the remaining basic instinct of desperately holding onto someone- anyone- to keep himself afloat, safe from whatever was haunting him.  
  
And the Doctor had come to him this time, somehow sensing that probably Jack could help him- protect him- and just maybe save him from himself as well.  
  
So, as he held his friend's shaking body, Jack made a silent promise to himself, and to the Doctor. This time, no matter what, he would be there for his friend through whatever the man was going through. If the Doctor needed an emotional crutch, he would be the one. Whatever the Doctor needed him to be, he would be it.  
  
There was no way Jack was letting his friend go through this alone again- not this time.  
  
It had hurt the Doctor enough the first time around- so much so that he had barely survived, and had only done so with countless scars.  
  
The stilling of the body against his own brought Jack back from his dark thoughts to find the Doctor quiet in his arms, the unsteady heartbeat from before quieted to one that, if he didn’t know better, would call relaxed.  
  
Jack gently hugged his friend reassuringly before gently pushing him away slightly so there was space between them again. Although it was still close enough that the Doctor would still know he was there.  
  
“Doctor?” he called again quietly, hoping. Although the other mans eyes were open, even barely, the Doctor refused to raise his head to meet Jack’s gaze or look anywhere other than down at the floor.  
  
But his friend simply stood a few inches away, not reacting at all to his name or to Jack’s touch. It seemed he hadn’t yet returned to the present again but remained trapped in his mind with his many dark memories.  
  
But since Jack knew the Doctor as well as he did- or as well as he thought he did, Jack wondered if as well as being haunted by his memories, the man was simply being stubborn and cautious- two things he was very good at. For as long as Jack had known the Doctor, the man had been stubborn, sometimes annoyingly so. But, the wariness was new. It had only come upon his friend recently. Usually the Doctor jumped into things that he would be much better off not jumping into and doing so without any thought or worry of what may happen. But now the man was always cautious, being sure to think through the situation beforehand and being sure he had a plan, as well as several back-up ones- instead of just claiming he had them.  
  
Jack slowly moved his hand from the Doctor’s shoulder up to his neck, fingers trailing lightly against slightly chilled skin to finally rest against the man’s cold cheek- gently cupping his friends face with his fingers separated slightly.  
  
Under his hand the Doctor shivered and tensed, his eyes squeezed tightly shut.  
  
Silently Jack cursed and replaced his hands on the Doctor’s shoulders. He should have known better than to touch the other man like that. Even though some time had passed, he knew that everything the Master had done to his friend was still unbelievably vivid in his mind (although he pretended it wasn’t) - and Jack should have remembered this. For a year the Doctor had been mentally and physically tortured by a person who had once been close to him- he wasn’t likely to forget anything that had happened during that year anytime soon.  
  
“Doctor? Doctor, I’m sorry.” He gently squeezed his friend’s shoulder, “I shouldn’t have scared you- I sure didn’t mean to. You’re safe here, you’re safe with me.”  
  
At the sound of his voice, the Doctor relaxed slightly, the tension loosening somewhat. At the same time his eyes flickered underneath his eyelids, as if he were just waking up, and then opened to mere slits- cautiously.  
  
Taking this as a good sign, Jack continued talking in hope that it would help to comfort the Doctor- and to help his friend escape from the dark memories that still haunted him so he could return to the present.  
  
“It’s just me here with you, Doctor, just the two of us. Just you and ‘ol Jack Harkness.” He lightly squeezed his friends’ body again. “There’s no need to worry- I’m not going anywhere. You’re safe here- and I promise you that. If it’s awhile before you wanted to talk that’s okay. I’ll wait however long it takes. I’m here for you because I’m your friend, and I care for you.” Jack smiled, his tone changing from reassuring and caring to slightly teasing. “Even if you refuse to admit it.”  
  
After Jack finished talking, reassuring, the Doctor was quiet for awhile- not moving or looking up. He simply stood still under the other mans hands, and for a moment Jack wondered if he was afraid. It wasn’t often before that Jack had seen the Doctor truly scared, he could actually probably only count the number of times on just one hand. His friends seemed to always be so strong, so stubborn- so, unshakable. Or at least that was until the Master entered the scene.  
  
Once the Doctor had come face to face with his longtime enemy, he changed. Even before the Master had hauled Jack away to the basement for his clever experiments, before the Master had begun whispering in the Doctor’s ear and manipulating his mind. Jack wasn’t certain what exactly the Master had done, but he knew that it was hurting his friend- scaring him like nothing had before (at least that jack was aware of). Each time Jack saw the Doctor, even with months in between, he seemed less and less like the man Jack remembered. He changed so much each time that when the year was over Jack hadn’t had any idea of what to do.  
  
Just like now. Although time had passed since they had last seen each other, for some reason the Doctor had come to him again. Terrified.  
  
“Doctor? Doctor!” Jack pulled his friend back towards him in a loose embrace. The first time the Doctor had willingly initiated the embrace, but Jack was afraid of what would happen if he did anything more than loosely hold the other man, afraid of how the Doctor would react.  
  
For several moments the two of them simply stood close to each other, the Doctor’s breath cold on Jack’s neck and the slight chill of his friends body slowly seeping through Jack’s thin layer of clothing, with the Doctor’s arms hanging heavily at his sides and his head resting gently against Jacks.  
  
Then suddenly the man shifted in Jack’s arms and pulled closer, wrapping his arms around the other mans shoulders. After he buried his face in the cloth of the coat Jack was wearing, it didn’t take Jack long to realize that his friend was shaking again.  
  
Oh no, Jack thought desperately, tightening his arms slightly, I’m not loosing you just right after I found you again. Not when you’ve finally come back.  
  
Something in the Doctor’s mind must have changed for some reason, causing him to shift so he was holding himself tightly against Jack, as if he were afraid someone was going to pull him away or force him to let go. The dampness on the younger mans shoulder began growing again as cloth moved against cloth and skin against skin.  
  
“Doctor,” the ex-Time agent whispered hopefully, returning his hand to bury it in the soft brown strands.  
  
A choked sob whispered its way to his ear on the wind as one of the Doctor’s hands fisted in the material of Jack’s shirt. “I killed them Jack, I killed all of them.”  
  
In the cold, empty darkness of the office the brown-haired man’s voice sounded dry and hoarse; as if he had yelled at the top of his lungs for a long time until his voice finally gave out and he dissolved into endlessly flowing silent tears; unable to make any noise although he was desperate to say something- anything- to believe he was really alive, so instead he simply sat on the ground crying until giving out and drying up into an empty shell. It wouldn’t be surprising if the older man hadn’t spoken in hours, let alone days, although it seemed quite a feat for a man who was usually hard to quiet or silence.  
  
At least, until that year.  
  
The Doctor went on, still wrapped around his friend, his voice weak and shaking as he spoke.  
  
“I was trying to save them Jack, I was trying to keep them alive, but instead they all died in the end.” The last word ended on a sob, and he sniffled quietly before whispering. “And it’s all because of me. I bring death and destruction everywhere I go, and this time everyone died. It’s my entire fault.”


	2. Chapter 2

After his friend’s whispered confession, the man seemed to break down right in front of him. And no matter what Jack tried, he refused to react to anything. 

The man seemed to have completely shut down again, closing himself off from the dangerous world that was trying to hurt him- and there was nothing Jack could do to shake him out of it. His method of hiding so deeply seemed to be the Doctor’s default way of protecting himself- Jack had seen the man do it so many times before, closing himself off, especially when he didn’t want to answer questions or talk about certain topics. Of course, those withdrawals were often accompanied by a wild grin and an enthusiastic change of subject.

But, never before on such a serious scale.

The Master had changed everything, and all in just one year.

When Jack realized that nothing he was saying or doing was getting through to his friend, he sighed heavily. The entire time since the Doctor’s confession, his eyes had remained empty and unfocused, his expression blank and his body tense.

Even though the Doctor’s mind might not fully be in the present at the moment, he was still aware- frighteningly so- of his surroundings. But as Jack led his friend out of his office and through the dark hallways of the Torchwood offices, the Time Lord didn’t say a word- he just let Jack lead him blindly along by the arm wrapped around his waist and grip on his arm, to Jack’s secret personal room below the offices. It was the safest place he could think of since no one, not even his team, dared to go there without his express permission.

He gently, caringly guided his friend down the metal ladder, watching him carefully, and caught him when the Doctor lost his foot hold, falling a foot or so. The other man stiffened as Jack’s arms tightened around him once again steadying him, and went nearly limp in reaction- his eyes squeezing shut.

Jack sighed at this and whispered his friends name as if in prayer to the air, releasing the man so he could stand on his own weight. “It’s okay Doctor, you’re safe. You’re safe with me.”

When those blank brown eyes calmly met his, he took a step forward and carefully pulled his friend’s coat off of his shoulders before leading the man over to the bed and gently pushed him down onto the soft mattress. As if the Doctor were a sick child, Jack carefully untied the trainers and slid them off along with the plain white socks. He then helped his friend lay back of the bed and tucked him in underneath the thin blankets.

It pained Jack badly to see his friend so hurt, so broken- so childlike. The man who used to have so much fire in him, so much life, the man who loved the universe even with all of its tragedies and all it had done to him- was gone. Left behind in his place was a silent, docile man with barely any life in him. A ghost, a shell.

He sat there, keeping his friend company and watching over him as he slept- gently running his fingers through the brown strands.

To Jack’s surprise the Doctor slept for hours and hours. But, never peacefully. He rarely lay still, almost constantly tossing and turning under the blankets, his eyes darting around underneath closed eyelids, mumbling occasionally under his breath in various languages- some of which Jack had never heard before.

Obviously though, whatever was haunting the Doctor had followed him into his dreams.

Although his friends sleep was far from restful, it was better for the man to get what little sleep he could, than for him to be constantly awake and haunted by memories every minute of the day. And, maybe this was Jack being selfish, but his friend behaving so completely contradictory from his usual behavior truly frightened him deep down in his heart. After he met the Doctor, the first doctor with the ice blue eyes and the leather coat, from watching and studying the other man Jack had soon realized that he was suffering from overwhelming guilt and pain- although he did his best to hid it behind the rare manic grins and an otherwise cold exterior, reinforced by numerous mental and nearly invisible physical barriers. Even when Jack had run across this Doctor, the second one, the pain and guilt was still there for those who knew him well to see it, but now it was hidden instead behind brilliant smiles, babbling and often never-ending energy.

Back then, if he hadn’t known the Doctor so well Jack would have believed his friends unspoken false reassurances that he was fine and that the burdens he had once carried had been actually been wiped away by his regeneration.

But Jack could easily see past the energy, smiles and babbled words that acted as masks- the Doctor was the only person he had yet come across who could say so many things and speak for so long but in the end say nothing important. It seemed to be yet another barrier the man used to protect himself- and often he caught glimpses of the sadness and remorse that were occasionally reflected in those dark eyes. The only times when Jack had seen physical hints that backed up those glimpses were the occasional times when he or Rose had caught the Doctor brooding, something that happened more with the first Doctor than the second. And even then the man would easily brush it off and quickly change the subject- in both bodies.

The loss of Rose had been the initial starting point for the crumbling and destruction of the Doctor’s numerous protective barriers. When Jack had first met the regenerated Doctor, soon after the events of Canary Wharf, the man had openly been still grieving her without even trying to hide it. Everything that followed afterwards, coming to a climax at the horror of the moment when the Doctor discovered the Master had survived the war and was still alive. And afterwards, the Year that Never was and the horrific things the Master did during that time, stacked all together only further destroyed the Doctor until finally it was all brought to a crumbling point at the Masters death. Then Jack had had to watch helpless as his friend broke down and shattered in front of him, everything that protected the Doctor from himself and from the world destroyed at the same time.

By the time he, Martha, and the Doctor had gathered together again, the Time Lord had apparently tried to pick up many of the pieces of himself left behind and slowly attempt to piece them back together in the closest semblance of normal he could manage so that the two of them would believe the constant casual lie that he was fine.

Jack hadn’t believed him, but at that time he had felt that the Doctor was well enough to go off on his own- without either his or Martha’s support.

Now he knew better. He should have seen through his friend’s weak front and instead trusted his gut, the one that was telling him that the Doctor was much more fragile and vulnerable than he would ever let on. And seen that his friend was not nearly strong enough to travel alone, without someone nearby to protect him and to offer support when he needed it.

Although most of the time the Doctor put on a strong appearance and faced the universe head on- there were also times when Jack was fairly sure his friend felt like the universe and everything else he did wasn’t worth it. Or that he just couldn’t stand it.

And especially after the Master’s death, he seemed to give up completely- withdrawing into himself. To an outsider of course, it would seem as if nothing was different. The Doctor had gently laid his friend back down before straightening to start giving people tasks and things to do until soon almost everyone was rushing around. As he spoke, the man’s voice remained steady but, if one were to truly look into his eyes they would see nothing- just empty brown orbs void of any emotions.

When the Doctor had finally taken a moment to pause and turn towards Jack, as soon as their eyes met he had known that nothing was as right as it seemed. Although his expression and eyes were blank, as if he were unaffected as always by everything that had happened, Jack flinched at the pure storm of pain and loneliness in his friend’s eyes. He understood that it had to be a shock for the Doctor to go from being the only Time Lord to having another survivor of the Time War and then once again being the last of his race all in a short period of time.

But, for the Doctor to be so shaken that he would withdraw so far that barely anything remained, meant the Master had won- whatever he had done to the Doctor had fulfilled its intended purpose. The man was even more deeply scarred than Jack would guess he had ever been before, nearly shattered. By the look in his eyes there was barely anything holding his friend together, other than what was left of his strength and will.

The last glimpse Jack had of the Doctor at that time was the Time Lord gently cradling his friend’s dead body in his arms as he carried him into the newly healed Tardis. The Doctor had given him one brief, weak smile and then a nod before the doors had closed and the Tardis disappeared.

Jack had hoped that by his next reunion with the Doctor, his friend would have healed and recovered at least a little from what he had suffered in that year- but it seemed that whatever happened after they separated had only managed to slowly shatter the Doctor’s already vulnerable mind.

It had never been in his expectations for his friend to show up out of the blue and run to him, then cling desperately to Jack before looking at him with eyes that were just as broken as that day, and giving him a tearful confession. All before clamming up completely and becoming so docile that Jack was fairly sure the man would let him do practically anything- and never protest. The one person who never stopped talking, who used words for almost everything, had been silenced most likely permanently, by a once friend.

And, although for as long as Jack had been with the Doctor the man had claimed that he didn’t need to sleep as much as them, in the days after his arrival his friend slept almost all of the time- except for when he woke up and Jack took the chance to take care of him.

Those few instances when the Time Lord did wake up from his self-induced slumber, no matter what Jack tried, the man didn’t appear to be getting any better. His eyes were still so empty, his expression still unbelievably blank, and altogether still docile and hidden within his own mind. But, as days went by there was one change- although the Doctor might not be completely aware of his surroundings, his fear of physical contact left over from the Master’s torture sessions, was beginning to seep through from his consciousness.

He would flinch every time, no matter where, Jack touched him. Even if Jack only held his hands the man would begin shaking, his expression one similar to a child’s after waking from a nightmare. But, the worst fear would come when Jack, however accidental, touched his friend’s face or anywhere on his head. The Doctor's reaction would be to fall into a state where he was nothing more than a terrified child- curling into as small a ball as possible and sitting pressed into the corner shaking uncontrollably, his face pressed into his hands with tears running down in streams as he babbled to himself with words that Jack didn’t understand yet was fairly sure were in the Doctor’s native tongue. And when his friend became like this, his mind and soul shattered once again, Jack found there was really nothing he could do to help the man he cared so much about.

All he could do was sit by his friend, watching over him and able only to offer the comfort he hoped his presence gave the man, until finally, finally the Doctor was able to climb his way out of the darkness and pain he was buried in to return to the present.

The few times the other man became aware of his surroundings and returned to a stable state of mind a faint light would flicker to life in his eyes, as the blank expression he normally wore faded to be replaced by shallow emotions- never as powerful or deep as they once were but still there, still existent.

And sometimes, sometimes, if Jack was really lucky, when those dark eyes focused on him there would be warmth- and recognition in them.

Day after day Jack would remain nearby, carefully watching the other man. After weeks had gone by sometimes Jack caught brief glimpses of the man he knew, even if now the Doctor was only a shadow of that man. During that whole time the Doctor never said a word, or made any noise above the level of a whisper. He still became terrified at any touch, but holding hands- feeling someone’s hand in his- finally seemed once again to calm him.

When Jack held his hand, the Doctor was more like his friend used to be than at any other time. The simple gesture seemed to reassure and comfort him, keeping the man from those dark memories by reminding him, however momentarily, of the good times- when he did have someone nearby to take and hold his hand through everything. Even with that small amount of contact, the Doctor didn’t always recognize him. But Jack was glad he had found a way to calm his friend.

There were few instances while the Doctor was staying in Jack’s makeshift room when Jack had to leave his friend alone to fulfill the demands of work. Of course he was reluctant to do so, but no one on his team had near as much experience as he did and it was rather unfair for him to leave them without a leader- and also one man short. But when he did leave, the Doctor rarely seemed to notice Jack leaving or his absence- although those dark eyes often watched or faithfully followed him around the room; but then, as soon as Jack returned, if he weren’t asleep his friend would rise from wherever he was to rush over to Jack and loosely embrace him, arms wrapped around his neck and his head resting on a clothed shoulder just close enough to be reassured but not close enough for any real contact. Sometimes Jack would have to hold the broken Time Lord for many long moments before he would finally loosen his hold and pull away slightly.

He seemed so desperate sometimes to be held or to be touched, even though at other times such contact also frightened him into a near childlike state. The only times the Doctor seemed most comfortable with physical contact was when he initiated himself, and so Jack let his friend set the rules.

Anything to help the man restore his broken mind to how he was before, back when he was whole.

And finally after several weeks, long weeks, the Doctor seemed to finally be taking a turn for the better.

Mostly the Doctor slowly began trusting him again. There were more embraces between them, more holding hands… now his friend seemed desperate to have him around, to be close to him at all times, to have some kind of contact between them. When Jack left his friend alone, even for a very short amount of time, now as soon as he returned the Doctor would rush over to tightly embrace the man until Jack reassured him and calmed him enough that the man was willing to let Jack go.

In his sleep the Doctor was less restless and slept for longer periods of time- obviously sleeping better than he had earlier in the time Jack had been watching him. He stopped mumbling constantly in his sleep, only occasionally saying a few words- sometimes in English but mostly in that other language.

To Jack’s amusement the one word his friend said the most was one name, “Rose.”

Of course, despite the Doctor’s newfound trust and tranquility he could still be frightened easily. Now mostly words, instead of actions, triggered his friend’s withdrawal inside himself. Words had always been extremely important to the other man, but it seemed they had now become his downfall. Although what still scared him more than anything was being touched on his forehead or anywhere on the side of his head- that sent him away faster than anything else.

But the times when the Doctor wasn’t trapped or lost within his mind, or simply asleep, the glimpses and hints of his friend- the one who wasn’t broken or hurt- were enough to reassure Jack that the real man was still alive and would return to him soon. Hopefully a little more healed.

And finally, he did.

It was one of the days when the Doctor seemed the most aware and the most like his old self, with a faint light in his eyes and some emotions reflected in his expression.

After time spent relaxing with his friend doing mainly mundane things, the other man had fallen asleep sitting next to Jack on his makeshift couch.

He took the opportunity to once again closely study his friend. Although he was familiar with the mental and emotional changes, the physical changes made him wince. The new lines on his face, the lips pressed tightly together, the way the man didn’t seem to care at all for his appearance anymore, but mostly how the Doctor could still look both young and old at the same time- with an innocently childlike appearance and behavior but also carrying centuries old guilt and knowledge. He had known his friend had been through a horrific war, leaving him the last of his kind. But these last few weeks were the first time since he’d known the Doctor, in either body, that all the barriers his friend hid himself behind were gone and he could see just how badly the war had hurt him. Now he was able to see everything that the Time Lord had kept from them before this.

After several minutes of watching his friend and feeling guilty for what had happened, Jack found himself also falling asleep, lounging comfortably next to the man.

He was in the middle of a wonderful dream when the Doctor woke up next to him screaming Rose’s name and shaking.

With little resistance Jack pulled his friend close against his side and cradled the quivering body against his own, one arm wrapped around the too-thin waist and a hand resting gently on the brown strands.

The Doctor rested the back of his head against Jack’s shoulder, closing his eyes tightly while bringing his knees up tight against his chest and snaking his arms around himself.

For a few moments Jack worried over the man, holding him tightly as he carefully watched the Doctor’s face. But, nothing changed except for the man continuing to take slow, deep breaths- calming himself until finally the shaking stopped and he relaxed against Jack’s shoulder, uncurling his legs to stretch out across the couch.

It was the first time since their gloomy reunion that the Doctor had managed to calm himself, to control his own emotions, direct his own mind. Which, Jack hoped meant something. His friend hadn’t fallen asleep or withdrawn again, instead he was just silently laying next to him.

“Doctor?” Jack asked quietly, shifting slightly on the couch while loosening the supportive arm around his friend’s waist.

Next to him the man sat up slightly, readjusting himself against Jack so he was more comfortable before making a contented noise. “Mm, Jack,” the Doctor whispered sleepily, closing his eyes again and rubbing his head against Jack’s shoulder so that most of his face was buried in the cloth.

Although his friend hadn’t spoken in weeks, and his voice was raspy and rough due to it, Jack had still clearly heard the Doctor’s words.

Feeling his heart racing at the growing hope in his mind and chest, Jack ruffled the dark hair and gently pushed the other man into a more upright position. “Doctor, I don’t know exactly how you’re feeling right now… but, I need you to turn and look at me okay?” Part of him realized he sounded a little like he was pleading. “That’s all, just one glance and you can go back to sleep again.”

Under his supportive hand on the man’s back, he felt and heard the Doctor grumble in annoyance before, in one fluid movement turning so he was facing Jack, legs bent slightly to make enough room for the two of them on the couch.

At the sight of clear brown eyes with light shining in them that, although it was faint, was still there, a smile grew across Jack’s face and he cautiously raised a hand to cup his friend’s face- desperately hoping that this wasn’t a dream.

When nothing happened or changed, and with the Doctor still looking at him with a very faint smile curling his lips, Jack launched himself at his friend with a loud cry of relief, wrapping his arms tightly around the too thin body as he began laughing crazily- the weight of the guilt and sadness he had been carrying around for his friend, lifting.

“Doctor! Oh Doctor, welcome back! Welcome back!”

This was one of the best days Jack had had in his entire existence, and that was saying something.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome ladies and gentlemen! Your course this evening shall consist of generous helpings of angst!
> 
> Warning: the Master  
> Warning: mental torture

  
Shifting the heavy cheap paper grocery bags to another hand so his right one was free, Jack tugged an ordinary key on a cheap metal chain out of his pocket and lifted it up to the lock on the blue wooden doors in front of him.  
  
Hoping his friend was still having one of his good days and had remained occupied in the library reading, just as he had left him several hours ago, Jack inserted the key into the lock and turned it to the side- unlocking the doors for one to slowly creak open in order for him to slip inside.  
  
Gently kicking the door closed behind him, and sending an apology to the Tardis after her humming changed tone slightly, Jack advanced up the ramp calling loudly, “Doc! Doctor, I’m back! Where are you, Doc?”  
  
As he passed the console, the man tossed the bags onto the semi-flat space on the console nearby for safekeeping- the Tardis sounded happy again- and came around the console towards the inner hallway.  
  
But Jack paused in his tracks only a few yards from the arch of the hallway, when his light eyes fell upon the jumpseat- and the figure sitting in front of it on the grating.  
  
“Doc,” he sighed worriedly, and then slowly walked over to his friend.  
  
The thin and tall dark-haired man was sitting with his back stiff against the edge of the jumpseat with his knees tucked against his chest. He was bent over something in his hands within his lap, fingers tightly clutching its edges.  
  
Jack paused next to his friend’s side and dropped to his knees on the grating, shifting slightly in order to get more comfortable.  
  
As he moved, his eyes caught a glimpse of what the Doctor was holding protectively in his lap, hiding them from the world, and his breath caught in his chest.  
  
They were pictures, ones Jack had never seen before and ones he hadn’t known the Doctor had. But these weren’t just any ordinary pictures.  
  
These were of the Doctor, Jack... and Rose.  
  
And in all of the pictures they looked so very happy.  
  
With those of Rose, the Doctor and Jack, he remembered fondly the times the pictures were taken. It had been after he had become a true member of the Tardis crew and accepted by both Rose and the Doctor- making his own space within the tight bonds between the other two. The three of them had become as thick as thieves, always looking after and depending on each other.  
  
From beside his friends shoulder as the Doctor slowly shuffled through the pictures, Jack smiled at those of the current Doctor and Rose.  
  
As he’d expected, the two had grown even closer after the Doctor changed. In all of the pictures of them together they were always either touching somehow or looking at each other as if they were the only ones in the universe, their smiles always radiant and warm. It was obvious that the two of them cared very deeply- probably even loved- each other, but evidently they hadn’t told each other- yet.  
  
Shaking his head to clear it, Jack raised an arm to wrap it loosely around the Doctor’s shoulder and so pulling him closer.  
  
“We’ll find her, Doc, I promise.” He gently patted his friend's shoulder with his free hand. “She’s not gone forever, she’ll come back or we’ll find her. Whatever comes first. Rose isn’t lost forever, Doc; we’ll all be together again.”  
  
Jack winced slightly when the Doctor stiffened under his arm, hanging his head and tightly closing his eyes. He noticed the man open and close his mouth a few times, trying yet failing to speak before seeming to give up.  
  
Although Jack hadn’t been there at Canary Wharf the day the Doctor and Rose had lost each other, he had seen enough difference in the Doctor’s behavior, as well as heard enough from Martha and others who had been around the Doctor, to realize that the Time Lord was grieving deeply for Rose and had been cut harshly by the sudden Rose-shaped hole in his life and his hearts. Even though he had changed, literally, the Doctor in front of him was far from the man he had once traveled with, and far from the grinning man in the pictures.  
  
“Do you promise, Jack? Promise we’ll find her?”  
  
The Doctor’s voice startled Jack with the shaky whisper and break in nearly every syllable, making the man sound as if he were desperately trying not to cry.  
  
Jack nodded reassuringly, only gently squeezing his friend’s body again since he didn’t trust himself to reply with words.  
  
It had only been a few weeks since the Doctor had come back to him, and had begun speaking again after a long period of self-induced silence and guilt. But Jack still constantly worried about the man, his friend, who gave so much of himself to the universe and yet rarely received any happiness, any hope, in return. It seemed it had been that way for a long time, giving so much and yet having so much taken from him.  
  
First the Doctor had been given Rose, but only for a brief amount of time before she was gone - with high odds of never being found again; then at the end of the universe the Master had been found and rediscovered before making his escape and being found again under unexpected circumstances. Then, after a traumatic and horrific year had gone by, the Master was gone again- forever, leaving behind a hollow and even more fiercely scarred Doctor- emptier even than the loss of Rose had left him.  
  
After disappearing, the Time Lord had returned more broken and hurt than Jack had seen him only a few weeks before, refusing to be comforted or helped and also refusing to speak.  
  
Once the Doctor had finally spoken again, and found his way back from the darkness he had wrapped around himself, the Time Lord had become like a shadow of the man Jack had known. But for Jack this so-called shadow was much better than the broken and haunted man who had first come running into his arms.  
  
Now there were smiles once again, and laughter. But even though they were bright and cheerful there was still a hollow emptiness to them, a hint that things were not quite as the Doctor wanted them to appear.  
  
The Doctor was talking again, but there was no more random gabbing or babbling as there had been of old, no cheekiness, random tidbits of information or trying to hide his feelings and thoughts behind words. He did speak, but only when he needed or was forced to.  
  
Eventually Jack had coaxed the Doctor into returning to the Tardis and making himself comfortable inside, hoping by then the man had recovered enough to start adventuring around the universe again and to leave behind the quiet, simple comfort of the Hub where there was no real threaten or danger.  
  
And so, the two of them had gone off into the Vortex but never strayed very far away from Earth.  
  
Back then, the first time, in the console room the Doctor had only paused long enough to send them into the Vortex before dashing off into the inner hallways of the Tardis to disappear for hours on end.  
  
It was to be the beginning of many such disappearances by the Time Lord, times when he became missing within the maze that was the Tardis- usually on purpose- and hidden until the other man or the Tardis allowed Jack to find him. Most often the Doctor did his vanishing act whenever those awful memories were triggered somehow, always the unwanted ones, in his still vulnerable and recovering mind.  
  
Only the first time did Jack go after his friend, just to find himself turned around or stumped by dead ends whichever way he went or turned. It didn’t take him long to realize that the Tardis was stopping him from finding the Doctor, so instead he returned to the console room to worry and impatiently wait for his friend to reappear.  
  
When the Doctor did re-emerge from his self-induced ostracism, he appeared better than he had been when he left- quicker to smile and laugh with a more open and expression face, all of which warmed Jack’s heart.  
  
In those rare moments when the Doctor seemed more lighthearted and cheerful than usual, it made Jack feel like he was traveling with his old friend and that the Year That Never Was had been only a nightmare- and had never happened. He was hopeful again that maybe the universe was a good place, a place of hope and of life. The manic energy and happiness that characterized this Doctor never, and probably would never, return. Neither would the wild light that used to be in his eyes or the quicksilver mood changes. Now the Doctor seemed to always be either varying degrees of frightened or the warm, partially-healed shadow of his old self with pale, flickering brown eyes.  
  
But, the times when the Doctor stumbled mentally and fell back into the darkness that lurked within his mind- often becoming no more than a frightened child- it reminded Jack that even though the Doctor was indeed a Time Lord, he was still just one man: a single man against the entire universe. And one that wasn’t as well or as stable as he once was. It made Jack wonder just how much had happened to his friend throughout his long lifetime so far, and how terrible those events had been.  
  
As the weeks went by however, there had been many more good days than bad days for both of them.  
  
The Tardis took them to places, planets and people of her own accord, choosing those where there was little to no danger or threats or adventures to preoccupy themselves with. Only quiet and comfort where the two of them could relax and have fun together, and not once did the Doctor or Jack feel like complaining. It was a nice break after all the excitement and adventures they’d been through to now take time and enjoy life.  
  
It was on one of those supposedly peaceful planets that everything went to the proverbial hell in a hand basket  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The Doctor rushed out of the Tardis as soon as the doors were open, ignoring Jack’s warnings to be careful and the worried-sounding hum of the Tardis.  
  
This was how most of their adventures began now; the Doctor would rush out without any thought of trouble or caution and, more often than not, head right into trouble, no matter if it was angry natives or workers or didn’t involve people at all.  
  
While Jack was helping the Doctor out of whatever trouble he had gotten himself into, Jack often wondered if, after everything that had happened to him, especially in the Year That Never Was, the Doctor had become much less mindful of his own safety and had forgotten how important his own life was. If he had been reckless and maniacal before, it was nothing compared to how he was now. The mask from before was gone, replaced by sometimes empty smiles and hollow reassurances that he seemed to give only for the sake of appearances, because this was how he thought he was expected- or he didn’t know how else- to act. Both scared Jack, especially since he knew the Doctor had only begun to come to terms with what he had been through- even if we acted like he already had.  
  
It seemed for now the Doctor’s way of dealing with the world was to throw himself into danger, and so lose himself in the madness and adrenaline adventures provided.  
  
Which meant sooner or later the Doctor might just get himself killed- or seriously hurt- just because he was being reckless.  
  
So when Jack rushed out of the Tardis after the Doctor, he did expect his friend to be hurt somehow or being held captive.  
  
He never at all expected to see the Doctor in the grasp of one very familiar man, who both of them had known to be dead.  
  
Jack stumbled to a shocked halt only a few feet away from the Tardis doors, kept there by the warning look the Doctor was sending him even as he was beginning to shake and his brown eyes flicker.  
  
Trying desperately to think of a way to help the Doctor, Jack slowly raised himself to his full height as he watched the two men in front of him with wary blue eyes. “You’re supposed to be dead, Master,” he accused angrily, practically spitting the name.  
  
The unfortunately not dead Time Lord smirked in amusement at him, tightening his hold on the Doctor who was still shaking but whose eyes seemed to be barely focusing anymore. “Maybe I was, maybe I wasn’t. It doesn’t matter, does it? I’m back now, which means right now I'm your problem.”  
  
He suddenly started chuckling, his eyes cold with mirth. “Or maybe it will just be the two of us; it seems the Doctor won’t be with us for much longer.”  
  
For a distracted moment Jack’s eyes flickered worriedly down to his friend. He had hoped the Doctor would be able to hold out for longer against the Master, that the Master’s presence wouldn’t have such a strong effect on his friend. But obviously that wasn’t meant to be. The Doctor’s eyes were already a much paler brown than their usual color and weren’t focusing at all while he appeared to have gone nearly lifeless in the Master’s arms- only slightly aware of his surroundings. Just like how he'd been during the Year That Never Was. Even though Jack had only seen the other man a few times, each time he was always shaken by how much of a broken shell his friend had become under the Master’s influence. Apparently the Doctor’s mind hadn’t recovered as well as Jack had hoped or believed, even though time had passed.  
  
And the Master, only a few feet away, was not helping at all.  
  
“What are you doing to him?” Jack demanded angrily, taking a step towards his friend.  
  
“Ah, ah, ah,” the Master warned, tightening his grip as he adjusted the arm around the Doctor’s neck so he was mostly supporting the other man. “No closer Captain, or I’ll take the Doctor away from here and it’s likely you’ll never see him again.” The Time Lord’s crazy grin reappeared as he said, “and for your information, I’m not doing anything to your precious Doctor. Just simply being near me seems to be overwhelming for him.” The Master’s eyes grew slightly warm as he took one step backward, using his free hand to gently run his fingers tenderly through the Doctor’s hair. “He was so afraid of being alone, of being the last of our people. But, that was before. Now,” the Time Lord smiled, “he has me. Now he always has me by his side; always… in his mind.”  
  
Jack glared at the Master, his expression one of disgust. “No, you’re wrong. He doesn’t have you at all and he definitely doesn’t need you. The Doctor has real friends who are always there for him, friends like me. You’re just hurting him, you’re like poison to him.”  
  
Now the Master was the one quick to anger, and his eyes blazed at Jack as he pulled the other Time Lord closer, almost protectively. “You have no idea what you’re talking about! You don’t know anything about him! I’ve known him for longer than you could ever imagine, we grew up together! We went to school together! We, were friends! You have no idea what it was like! You don’t know what he was like!” The man’s voice rose each time until he was nearly screaming at Jack.  
  
“That’s exactly it, how he was,” Jack countered, ignoring the warning look in the Master’s eyes as he took a step closer to the ill-matched pair, feeling his temper flare at the man’s words. “You knew your Doctor, how he was in the past. But we’re talking about my Doctor, the current Doctor. The two are not the same. He said it had been years, decades, since the two of you saw each other which, to me, means that you only want to know him, to know how he’s changed. Plus, add in the fact that you probably only became Prime Minister because you wanted to find him again and coax him out into the open.” Jack shook his head, warning the Master. “But trust me; you do not know the Doctor. You don’t.”  
  
Opposite him the Master glared coldly at Jack, angrily tightening his hold on the Doctor who Jack wasn’t even sure was conscious anymore. “You’re lying! He’s my Doctor, not yours! We were close, closer than close- considered best friends in our society. You don’t know him at all!” The Time Lord lightly placed his free hand against the side of the Doctor’s face, making soothing noises under his breath as the other man twitched and shuddered under the Master’s hands, his eyes moving rapidly beneath the fluttering eyelids as his breathing became ragged and heavy.  
  
“Stop it! Stop, you’re hurting him! If you care for him so much, then stop!” Jack yelled at the Master, his heart breaking at the sight of his friend being hurt severely in front of him. He desperately wanted to go to the Doctor, to pull him away from the Master and to comfort him, to take him far away from the source of his pain and hurt. But he couldn’t, the Master was too dangerous and unpredictable, right now he held all the advantages.  
  
For a few seconds the absent-mindedly tapping fingers stilled on the Doctor’s face as the Master seemed to contemplate something before glaring fiercely at the other man. “You know nothing,” he declared icily, and then turned the other Time Lord to face him, quickly replacing his fingers on the Doctor’s face. “Doctor, dear Doctor. What’s going on in that head of yours?”  
  
When Jack began slowly walking towards the pair, the Master stopped Jack’s advance with a cold look. “Stay,” he ordered before turning back to the Doctor.  
  
“Now, come on. Let me in, let me- ah, there you are. No, no, don’t run away. Wait, ah. Yes.” The Time Lord grinned, “oh dear, you really are so flitting, so… broken. You’re still not completely here, are you? Trying to hide away, deep within what’s left of your mind. Still so hurt, so fearful… all those memories, horrible memories. No, stay here. Stay with me. Good, good…” Suddenly the Doctor’s whole body jerked in the Master’s grasp, eyes flying open as he gasped and his head rose to eye level. “There you are. Hello there, Doctor.”  
  
“Stop it!” Jack yelled, not wanting his friend to be hurt anymore even though he didn’t really understand what was happening in front of him. “Let him go! Get away from him!”  
  
Still carefully holding the Doctor’s head in his hands, the Master grinned at Jack from over the other man’s shoulder. “You’re too late; he's already given himself over to my control. And now I can do anything to him; he’s putty in my hands.”  
  
“But he’s your friend! I don't think you really want to hurt him,” Jack replied, trying to reason with the man.  
  
The Master grinned. “Yes, and as his friend- and best enemy- I know what’s best for him,” he informed Jack smugly before returning his attention back to the Doctor.  
  
Jack slowly slid a few feet along the wall towards the two Time Lords, hoping to find an angle where he would have more advantage and also hoping to be able to better see his friends face. To his surprise, when he finally did, it was to find that although the Doctor was apparently conscious and mostly aware of his surroundings, he wasn’t fighting against the Master or trying to escape from him, he was just standing there in the other Time Lord’s grasp staring blindly ahead with blank brown eyes and an expression void of any emotion.  
  
“Now, let’s see… what can I…” The Master almost whispered to himself, smiling thoughtfully. “Oh, dear. Such awful memories… and so many of them, so close to the surface. It must be horrible for you, so painful. You should have to relive all of these. Just, let me take care of them for you… just let me…” he grinned, “that’s it… yes. Yes.” Under his hands the Doctor shuddered and attempted weakly to pull his head away as his mouth began rapidly opening and closing without sound. “Shh, shh… You’re fine, I’m here to help. Shh, don’t fight me. No, no… shh. You’ll be safe, you’ll be safe once I just…” Before now the Master’s voice had never risen to above a whisper, but suddenly a maniacal grin grew on his face as it lit up at the same time. “Yes, yes!” He exclaimed gleefully, “Good, Doctor. Very good Time Lord. That’s it.”  
  
The Doctor’s eyes squeezed shut and he made a soft noise that to Jack’s ears sounded like the whimper of a wounded animal, then shuddered once and jerked his head under the Master’s hands before going very, very still- almost deadly so.  
  
“Yes, yes… let me take all the bad things away. Let me give you peace, give you rest. Take you away from all the pain, from all the hurt…” His voice was soft and soothing as the Master gently cradled the Doctor’s head in his hands. “Just give yourself to me. I can take all of it away and send you somewhere safe, somewhere where you’ll never be hurt again. Just let me help you, yes… like that.” The smile was back again, and this time it sent violent shivers down Jack’s spine.  
  
Jack refused to let this happen, to let it end like this, and most definitely refused to let the Doctor just slip away like this. “Doctor, don’t believe him! You can’t trust him, don’t give him anything!” Jack yelled desperately, trying to help his friend without forcing the Master's hand. “Don’t let him do anything to you!”  
  
“You’re too late, Captain… he’s mine.” The Master released the Doctor’s head to lower his hands to the other man’s shoulders and turn him around to face Jack, then wrapped an arm around the Doctor’s shoulders again. “He let me store his mind far away for safekeeping, somewhere where no one can hurt him again. Your precious Doctor’s gone now, hidden away from everyone and everything, away from the cruel, cruel world.” The Master jostled the other Time Lord slightly, causing his head to loll forward, his eyes partially closed, “all that’s left is this empty shell here. Barely worth anything, even to you.” The Master grinned, ruffling the other man’s hair. “His mind is the most important part of him, and that’s gone. Broken- again. And there’s nothing you can do to help him. Nothing.”  
  
“You lie! You’re lying!” Jack accused him loudly, advancing towards the pair.  
  
Suddenly a knife appeared in the Master’s hand at the Doctor’s throat, “ah, ah. Be careful Captain, your precious Doctor may not be here right now but I can still hurt him physically. And you wouldn’t want that.”  
  
Jack stopped still in his tracks, his blue eyes wide in surprise and his stance wary. “Don’t. Just, don’t. Let him go!”  
  
The Master stared at him in astonishment, his grip on the Doctor loosening slightly. “You think I’ll just give him over to you? After all of this? After everything I’ve done to him?” He shook his head. “No, no, Captain. Not likely. The Doctor will always be mine. Mine.”  
  
“But there’s nothing else you can do to him! His mind’s already broken!” Jack protested, glancing desperately at his friend who remained still in the Master’s grasp. “And unless you want his body for something- in which case you’re a sicker bastard than I thought- he’s worthless to you too! You can’t hurt him anymore than you already have! Leave him alone.”  
  
Now the Master’s expression turned incredulous, in addition to the astonishment. “Are you joking? He’s better like this, I can do anything I want to him and he won’t fight me. He won’t try and stop me or kill me, like he always has before.” The Master gently trailed a finger along the Doctor’s cheek. “He always had so much heart, and always cared too much… always wanted more.” He grinned, “but now, he doesn’t have to worry. Now, his mind is mine.”  
  
Jack shifted from foot to foot, realizing that he had run out of options for getting his friend back by peaceful means. He pulled his blaster out of his pocket and aimed it at the Master’s head, keeping a close watch on the Doctor. “Let him go!”  
  
“You really think you can threaten me with such a primitive device? There’s half a chance you’ll hit your precious Doctor and another half chance you’ll hit me. Either way we’ll both regenerate.” The Master laughed. “You will lose either way Captain. You might as well give up and leave now.”  
  
Now it was Jack’s turn to laugh. “You forget, Master, I can’t die either. So I'm afraid we’re at a standstill.” Jack smirked at him.  
  
“Are we?” the Master questioned smugly, holding the Doctor carefully.  
  
Jack just kept grinning at the mad Time Lord. Then, calculating his timing carefully, shot twice at the wall just beside the Master’s head- barely an inch away- and used the precious few seconds of surprise he gained, to pull the Doctor out of the Master’s loosened hold and back towards him.  
  
To Jack’s relief, his friend came easily, only stumbling a little on the way before Jack was able to wrap an arm around the Doctor’s middle.  
  
After making sure he wasn’t going anywhere, Jack turned back towards the other Time Lord with a crazy grin on his face and the blaster aimed directly at the Master’s head. “What now Master? You’ve just lost your prize, and your leverage. What’s left for you to bargain with or claim hold over?” He paused for emphasis. “The answer’s nothing! Nothing!” Jack yelled at the Master, his voice hoarse.  
  
The Master just stared at him, stunned by how quickly the situation had turned on him- from when he had held all the cards. His eyes suddenly turned icy. “Give him back! Give the Doctor back to me!” The man snarled, advancing towards Jack, his hands curled as if he were reaching out to grab something.  
  
“No! You’d just hurt him even more!” Jack yelled at him, holding his friend protectively. When the Master came too close for comfort, he fired off a few warning shots at him.  
  
The other Time Lord stopped barely a yard away from the pair and glared fiercely at Jack, making Jack wonder if this really hadn’t been such a good plan, before snarling wildly, “I’ll be back for my Doctor! You haven’t seen the last of me yet!”  
  
Then, the Master fiddled with a device he had kept hidden until now… and disappeared.  
  
Jack stood glaring at the place where the mad Time Lord had been just seconds ago, finding it hard to believe he had gotten away like that so easily. He realized that the Master had probably vanished in the same way at the end of the Year That Never Was, doing so that it made the Doctor and him believe the Master was dead while the bastard got away to safety instead. Jack knew he should have checked first before threatening the Master- and further angering the man.  
  
Suddenly as Jack stood there insulting himself in his thoughts, the Doctor jerked in his grasp and forcefully broke away from Jack- slowly moving backwards, wobbling slightly as if he wasn’t well-balanced or sure-footed.  
  
“Doctor?” Jack asked softly, turning around to face his friend, hoping the Doctor wouldn’t perceive him as a threat.  
  
But the other man didn’t react to his name or the sound of Jack’s voice; he just continued backing up until he hit the wall behind him with a soft thud and then began scrambling along the wall with his fingertips running lightly against the rough surface- searching for something.  
  
Slowly and cautiously, Jack walked towards his friend, keeping track with him as he moved against the wall. “Doctor, it’s alright- I’m not going to hurt you. You’re safe now. I’m your friend Jack, remember?” He paused when the Time Lord stilled once he had backed himself into a corner near the Tardis, pressing his body into the crook where the walls met behind him, almost cowering.  
  
“Doc, it’s okay. You’re okay,” Jack tried to reassure his friend, walking up to stand barely a foot away. “You’re with friends now,” he whispered quietly, gently pulling both of the hands away from the wall and taking them in his own, squeezing them lightly. “I know you don’t really believe me right now, but you can trust me. I promise you.”  
  
The Doctor flinched when Jack touched him and took his hands, but even so he didn’t try to try to jerk his hands away, which Jack took as a good sign.  
  
“Doctor, I don’t want to rush you but we need to get out of here. It’s probably not the best place right now. If you come with me I promise you’ll be safe. Just let me lead you back to the Tardis, you just meed to follow me.” The man gently instructed his friend, keeping his voice soft and calm in order not to startle the Doctor. He slowly peeled the man away from the wall and then gently led his friend across the floor towards the Tardis.  
  
Jack paused only long enough at the doors of the Tardis to unlock them with his key before helping his friend inside and then turning to close the door.  
  
When Jack let go of the Doctor’s hands in order to close the door, the Doctor quickly pulled away and darted up towards the console to sit leaning against the base of the structure, his knees tucked to his chest and arms wrapped around his legs with his forehead resting on top of his knees, rocking gently.  
  
“Doc?” Jack asked worriedly, missing the coolness of his friend’s hands against his own as he turned from the door. After only a few steps forward up the ramp, he noticed the Doctor’s hiding spot where he seemed to feel safe.  
  
“Doctor,” the man whispered sadly before walking over to his friend and kneeling down beside him. “That bastard really hurt you, didn’t he? I should have suspected, I should have saved you, rescued you.” Jack sighed and raised his hand to gently rest it on top of his friends head. “I know you’re wrapped up safely in your mind, hidden away… but I want you to know, you don’t deserve this at all… you’re really an amazing person.” He leaned forward slightly to gently kiss the Doctor’s forehead. “You don’t deserve to be hurt like this.”  
  
Rising to his feet, Jack tilted his head upwards while keeping his hand in place on top of the Doctor’s head. “Can you help him? Can you bring him back?” He asked softly, addressing the Tardis but focusing his gaze on the arched ceiling.  
  
There was no audible response, not one formed from words anyway, but the always constant humming changed into something deeper and rhythmic- one that Jack could feel pulsing through his body as there was a sudden light pressure in his mind.  
  
Beneath his hand the Doctor shivered harshly once before he began taking long, shaky breaths and his arms fell limply from around his knees and instead wrapped loosely around his chest as his legs stretched slowly out in front of him . His head fell back to rest against the base of the rotor as his eyes fluttered shut.  
  
“Doc? Doctor?” Jack crouched back down next to his friend, and a few seconds later knew that the Doctor’s sudden change in behavior was definitely not a good sign. He guessed that it probably meant the man was reacting badly to whatever the Tardis had tried to do to help him.  
  
Jack jumped to his feet. “Take us somewhere safe!” he yelled desperately at the Tardis. “I don’t care where, just so long as it’s safe- for both of us!”  
  
With her lights dimmed and a worried humming filling the console room, the Tardis dematerialized- leaving behind the horrible events in the basement corridor to take her Doctor and Jack somewhere safe where they could begin to heal once more.


	4. Chapter 4

Standing in front of her kitchen counter making a cup of tea for herself after an unbearably sleepless night and then a restless afternoon, the last thing- or close to the last thing- Sarah Jane expected to hear over the general noise of the neighborhood was the sound of the Tardis materializing nearby.  
  
Before she went out to the garden, Sarah Jane folded a paper towel in half and set it on the counter before placing her mug on top of it. It was always nice to have a clean kitchen, even if K9 wasn’t around at the moment.  
  
It was then that she moved towards her back door, pausing in the doorway for a moment after she noticed the Tardis sitting in her garden- trampling the daises- looking surprisingly as if it had always been there.  
  
After a few seconds when the Tardis doors hadn’t opened, and there wasn’t any sign of activity inside, Sarah Jane began truly worrying. Even with this Doctor she still expected him to come rushing out to greet her, full of energy as he was.  
  
But everything remained silent, as if it were just a normal day.  
  
“Doctor?” she called, striding quickly towards the Tardis across the garden path and then the lawn. As she walked there was no response at all, making her grow even more worried- so much so that once she was right in front of the camouflaged police box Sarah Jane raised her hand to knock thunderously on the wooden doors.  
  
“Doctor? Doctor!”  
  
She waited impatiently for several seconds, wishing she had brought her Tardis key with her- or K9. There shouldn’t be so much silence inside, she had expected the Doctor or Rose to have come and greeted her by now. The only thing Sarah Jane could think of was that something had happened, something along the Doctor’s line of trouble.  
  
The woman was just about to try knocking again when she heard footsteps on the grating just inside, and a moment later the door creaked slowly open just far enough for a man to stick his head out and peer around the door at her.  
  
His bright blue eyes quickly fixed on her, set in a pale face that under normal circumstances she thought would be quite handsome. But at the moment was etched in pain and his eyes dark with worry, and when she glanced down his fingers were tightly clenched around the doorframe.  
  
Something was definitely wrong then.  
  
“Can I help you?” the stranger asked with a barely hidden note of irritation, yet a smile curved on his lips.  
  
Sarah Jane blinked at him, “I’m sorry, but who are you? Why are you in the Tardis?” She paused, studying the man for a few seconds. “Wait, are you traveling with the Doctor and Rose? Are they in there with you?”  
  
The man’s eyes widened and his entire attitude seemed to change in the instant after her questions as understanding dawned on his face.  
  
“So I was wrong then,” he said to himself, “the Tardis didn’t get the flight wrong. She was taking us to you.” The man squinted at her. “I asked her to send us somewhere safe, somewhere he could heal. And she brought us to you!”  
  
Out of all the worrying words the stranger spoke, those that caught Sarah Jane’s ears the most were the ones linked with ‘safe’ and ‘heal.’ “Is someone hurt?” She burst out, and then pushed easily past the man to step into the Tardis ignoring his protests.  
  
The domed console room was darker than she had ever seen before, almost to the point of her having to squint into the shadows in an attempt to try to see anything. All that lit the cavernous space was the dim green light from the Time Rotor, casting an eerie glow across everything, and in that light nothing stirred- giving Sarah Jane the worrisome thought that this room had not been occupied for awhile, that the people traveling in the Tardis had been spending most of their time in different parts of the ship.  
  
She cast her eye around the room once more, absently noting the lack of the Doctor’s coat that was usually flung somewhere amongst the chaos for safekeeping. Otherwise it was strangely empty and lonely, quite different from the usual homey feeling she had after stepping inside the Tardis.  
  
With her heart in her throat Sarah Jane turned back towards the strange man, ready to demand an account of what had happened prior to the Tardis landing in her garden.  
  
That was when she heard a half-strangled yell followed by a soft whimper come from nearby. At that sound, Sarah Jane practically whipped around again, eyes rapidly searching the darkness in front of her.  
  
When she had failed to find anything seconds later, the woman was just about to give up her search and interrogate the man again when there was another quiet, barely audible whimper.  
  
So now she stared harder into the shadows, trying to trace the soft sounds back to their source but wasn’t able to discover anything.  
  
And then, Sarah Jane found what she had missed on her first search around the room- a nearly invisible figure crouched underneath the console hidden from the eerie glow of the Time Rotor, staying nearly perfectly still in the darkened space.  
  
Frowning, she took one step forward and then another when nothing else moved with her and, to her surprise, the man now standing behind her made no protest or sound.  
  
Slowly, cautiously, Sarah Jane continued moving forward keeping her eyes fixed on that area underneath the console where the figure sat. As she walked everything remained quiet and still, except when the stranger began slowly following her once she reached the halfway point to the console as the soft whimpers and half-stifled yells continued as she moved.  
  
Then when Sarah Jane finally stopped barely a foot away from the console she leaned down again, peering into the shadows. Around her the light in the room brightened slowly so that most of the darkness died away to the point where the room was nearly shrouded in light and she could see most of the room around her.  
  
Including the man curled up under the console dressed in wrinkled, nearly threadbare dark trousers and a long sleeve dress shirt both of which looked like they’d been worn for days on end. The growingly familiar face was hidden in his lap, and as she watched he wrapped his arms around his legs, the brown tufts of hair lying limply against his head.  
  
“Doctor?” Sarah Jane asked breathlessly, quickly rushing towards him.  
  
“Don’t!” the stranger warned, reaching out to grab her wrist and therefore stop her mid-stride. “Don’t touch him!”  
  
She turned back towards him, pulling her hand away. “What do you mean ‘don’t touch him’? He’s hurt, or something else is wrong, and you won’t let me help the man who means more to me than you could ever imagine. Please, I know him- I can help him,” Sarah Jane pleaded with him angrily, glancing to the side at the Doctor.  
  
The man followed her gaze, also looking at the Doctor, and she saw him wince lightly- guilt flickering in his eyes- before he turned back to her. “I’m sorry, but you can’t help him. He’s not,” the stranger paused, looking so distraught that she wondered if he would now break down in front of her, “he’s not the Doctor you knew. Not anymore.” The last two words were said in barely a whisper, and his gaze skittered away from her then down.  
  
Sarah Jane frowned at him, her worry over the Doctor inflaming her protectiveness towards him. “Why is he different than my Doctor? And I’m sorry, but who are you?” A moment later, she looked over towards the doors that led to the innards of the Tardis, waiting for Rose or another person to walk through them. “Where is Rose?”  
  
For a second the man’s eyes widened and he opened his mouth to say something, but then sighed and closed it again. “She’s gone. Not here,” he finally said shortly.  
  
She stared at him for a long moment, and then asked- almost deliberately misunderstanding his answer, “Oh, you mean she went home to visit her mother? I wanted to see her, but that’s alright.. I’ll just make sure to see her before you leave.” Sarah Jane smiled tentatively at him. “And who exactly are you, since you didn’t happen to mention your name.”  
  
“Captain Jack Harkness, but you can call me Jack,” the man quipped, flashing her a cheeky grin.  
  
“Jack Harkness? And you’re traveling with the Doctor.” She frowned at him, thinking. “You said at the door that you asked the Tardis to take the two of you somewhere safe, and she brought you here- to me. Why would she do that? What can I do for either of you?”  
  
The man now known as Jack shook his head. “I’m not sure, though obviously the Tardis thinks you can and she’s rarely wrong. But I’ll try anything to help him, and I, I don’t know what else to do. I thought he was getting better but now- now he’s, he’s.” Jack sighed and gave a desperate glance at the Doctor when words seemed to fail him.  
  
Sarah Jane waited for a long moment before she asked, “Now he’s what? What happened?”  
  
“He’s… not himself. And he hasn’t been for a while now.” Jack raised his eyes to look at her with a pained expression, and then seemed hesitant. “Long story short, and this is all at the moment, he was hurt- badly. Really badly. And then I thought he was getting better- I was sure of it- but, then all of a sudden he was gone again. Just like that I lost him. I promised him I would keep him safe,” his voice cracked, “but I couldn’t. I couldn’t save him.”  
  
She took a step forward, his distress pulling at her heart. “I’m sure you did everything you could to help him, Captain. You don’t seem like the kind to desert a friend who is in need.” Sarah Jane glanced over at the Doctor. “In the end, it simply appears to have all worked out, for the worse I’m afraid. No matter how hard you tried.”  
  
When she returned her gaze back to the Captain, she found him looking at the Doctor with a kind of longing and regret. Apparently, just as she had thought he heavily blamed himself for the Doctor’s current situation.  
  
“Captain, I’m sure you did everything you could think of. You really shouldn’t blame yourself completely for what happened to the Doctor since I’m sure it’s more the fault of whoever hurt him in the first place.” Sarah Jane frowned, her mind whirling. “You haven’t said who that was yet, and, I’d like to know. Whoever hurt him so badly, to do this to such a person as the Doctor is a horrible person I’m sure. I simply can’t imagine…”  
  
The man frowned, studying her for several long minutes with those intense pale eyes before finally letting out a long, deep breath. “Have you heard of a man who calls himself the Master?” Jack blurted with a hint of desperation in the question.  
  
For a few seconds Sarah Jane sat stunned before she asked, startled, “The Master? I thought he was dead, we were sure he was dead! How did he come back?”  
  
Jack shook his head. “I don’t know for sure, the Doctor knows but- whatever, it’s not important right now. What is important is helping him, and if you can think of anything then please, tell me. I’m nearly at the end of my rope.”  
  
Sarah Jane paused for several moments, thinking, her mind whirling with any ideas. But in the end she couldn’t come up with anything. “Let’s just get him back to the house, and find him somewhere where he can be comfortable. First things first after all…”  
  
“Right,” Jack agreed, but when she moved forward towards the Doctor he reached out and tightly grabbed her wrist again to stop her from going any further. “Don’t!” he warned her again, sounding cross. “You can’t just touch him. You have to be careful.”  
  
Sarah Jane looked at him curiously, but this time she waited for him to release her. “Why? We’ll just be carrying him, and he’ll most likely know we’re trying to help him.”  
  
“Not, not necessarily,” Jack denied, eyes skittering away from her again. “He’s, he’s not right- in his mind. The Master split us apart for a year and during that time, I don’t know, he did something to the Doctor-messed with his head, hurt him somehow. And now, this is what he’s left as. He’s broken, shattered, he’s just a shadow and he’s not really here. He can’t tell, Sarah Jane, he can’t tell where he is, he doesn’t know we’re here. That’s why you have to be careful. While we’re moving him, whatever you do, don’t touch his head- anywhere. That’s the quickest way to send him even further away, to terrify him. I told you the Master hurt him badly, and when he did he did something- made him afraid of being touched even by those of us who care for him.”  
  
Jack gave her a long, level look, his dark eyes serious. “Remember that. If you want to help him, remember that. Please. He’s barely here to begin with, we need to keep him here and not send him away. He has to come back to us.”  
  
“But, but he’s so strong usually, and so stubborn. Even with the Master he wouldn’t just give up like that! Not the Doctor I know.” She sighed. “However, after an entire year under the Master’s influence- at the hand of a sociopath, maybe…”  
  
“You can think about all of that later, right now we need to get him somewhere comfortable.” He gave her a look. “Which I’m thinking would be your living room, if you don’t mind.” Then Jack moved carefully and slowly towards the Doctor to pause right next to him before lightly gripping his lower legs.  
  
When after a few seconds she hadn’t followed him, Jack turned to raise an eyebrow at her. “Well, come on then. Just remember what I said: be careful.” And he then jerked his head towards the Doctor.  
  
Sarah Jane found herself feeling pleased by how much this man, Jack, seemed to care about the Doctor, which to her meant that he truly did travel with the Doctor since those who were very close to the Time Lord and spent a lot of time with him cared about him so much. So, with a small smile on her face, and finding her feelings towards the man turning to much more pleasant ones, she moved to kneel at the Doctor’s side. Then, after a few seconds thoughtful study, she slowly slid her arm under his so she would be able to support him before gently turning him towards her until he fell back against her and his head lolled against her shoulder.  
  
“Careful!” Jack warned her, and she gave him a look that said she knew what she was doing.  
  
As she slipped her other arm under the Doctor’s, Sarah Jane stole a quick glance at his face. He had always looked so young in this regeneration, finally in a body that reflected his usually youthful-spirit, but now the Doctor looked almost too young. There were dark shadows under his closed eyes, and the dark color of his hair and eyebrows made him look even paler than he really was. He looked so vulnerable, almost like a child caught in the grip of a terrible nightmare, which gave Sarah Jane the sudden urge to brush the hair off of his sweat-dampened forehead.  
  
Her need to take care of him renewed, Sarah Jane raised her eyes to meet Jack’s. “Ready when you are.”  
  
He nodded and then began a slow countdown. “Three, two, one…”  
  
On one they both lifted the Doctor, Sarah Jane having to adjust her grip a little once she had straightened fully again. When she was ready she gave Jack another nod, warning, “Go slowly, I’m afraid I’m not as young as I used to be.”  
  
The man gave her an indescribable look but simply said, “Right.”  
  
Between the two of them, Sarah Jane and Jack managed to carry the Doctor out of the Tardis, the ship nicely shutting the doors behind them, across the lawn to her back door and then inside to lay him down gently on the couch in her living room.  
  
Then, while Jack went to close the door behind them, and hopefully also to make some tea, Sarah Jane stood next to the couch as she quietly gazed down at the Doctor.  
  
Ever since she had realized just who was under the console, he hadn’t made a sound. The whimpers and fearful cries that had alerted her to his presence in the first place had been silenced, and now he laid there almost deadly still with his head resting on one of her most comfortable pillows and a warm blanket spread over his body.  
  
Suddenly anxious, Sarah Jane slowly sat down on the couch next to him being careful not to wake or jostle him, and gently brushed his hair away from his face like she had had the urge to before. It was probably the motherly fondness and protectiveness for him she was feeling that although it was new to her it still felt very right.  
  
He was her Doctor, and she was his Sarah Jane.  
  
“Tea?” a voice that was quickly becoming familiar asked as a familiar white mug invaded her line of vision.  
  
Sarah Jane reached out and took the mug in her hands, bringing it to her face so she could take a deep whiff before then taking a cautious sip. A second later, she made an appreciative noise and raised her head to meet Jack’s eyes.  
"Thanks.”  
  
He nodded and sat down on the edge of the coffee table in front of the couch, a mug of something held in his own hands.  
  
Sarah Jane waited for him to speak, to start the conversation, but he took a long drink and even after he finished the silence went on. Not knowing exactly what to say Sarah Jane drank more of her tea, watching him over the edge of the mug. Then finally she set her mug down on the table next to Jack and looked up at him, asking softly, “So, what happened?”  
  
He gave her a long look before he said, “I told you. It was the Master and his sick, sociopath ways. I’ve just been trying everything I can. But it’s not enough, and he’s lost again.”  
  
“And the Tardis brought the two of you here, to me, instead of anyone else. Why?” She frowned, looking down at her hands. “The first time I saw him after so many years was the incident at the school, with the Krillitanes. I was surprised since after he left me in Aberdeen I never expected to see him again, ever. But I went back to the school at night and while I was looking around I found the Tardis, hidden away in a dark cupboard. And then I turned around and there he was, watching me with those dark alien eyes of his that were so familiar even in a different face.” Sarah Jane shook her head, the reflective look quickly fading. “But there are so many years between us, I barely know this Doctor. He’s changed from the Doctor I used to travel with.”  
  
Jack’s eyes widened in surprise, eyebrows lifting. “You used to travel with the Doctor? Before the War?”  
  
She nodded. “Yes, but that was an entirely different time, for the both of us.” After a slight pause, Sarah Jane said hesitantly, “You said that it was the Master who hurt him, for an entire year. But what I don’t understand is how the Master could be alive, let alone survive the Time War, without the Doctor knowing. One of the few things he told me at the school was that they were all gone, that he was the last. So how could the Master rise from the supposed dead to hurt him for an entire year, without anyone realizing it?”  
  
Jack winced, pain flickering across his expression. “We found the Master at the end of the universe; apparently he had run from the War and hidden himself there. But then he escaped back to the 21st century. Do you remember Harold Saxon?”  
  
Sarah Jane blinked, but nodded.  
  
“He was the Master. After the President was assassinated, for an entire year he ruled the Earth- and in that time he killed millions of people while the rest stayed in hiding, terrified.” Jack looked at her. “And he did it all just to hurt the Doctor.”  
  
“I don’t understand, none of that happened. The Master, or Harold Saxon, was taken care of just a few minutes after the President died. He never controlled the Earth and all of those people never died,” Sarah Jane commented, shaking her head.  
  
Jack laughed bitterly. “Only those few of us who were on the Valiant remember. In the end, we managed to defeat the Master and turn back time to just after the President was killed. So no one else knows about the Year That Never Was other than those of us who were there, and for us it’ll continue to haunt our dreams. And the Doctor still remains hurt and broken.”  
  
Sarah Jane slowly moved forward until they were sitting nearly knee to knee when he fell silent after his last comment. “I’m sorry, Captain; I can’t imagine what it was like for you, even with my experience of traveling with the Doctor.” She glanced over her shoulder at the Doctor, “I can’t imagine what it was like for him either. To be in such a state, so broken… and having it done to you by someone…” Her words drifted away and she turned halfway back towards the silent Time Lord. “He was so strong,” she raised a hand to lightly trail it down his clammy cheek, “even with how different he was when I saw him at the school after all that time, and even in his lowest moments, he was never like this.”  
  
Jack hesitantly moved his hand forward to take hers and squeeze it gently. “Don’t worry, we’ll both help him. And he’ll heal, with time.”  
  
“Isn’t it better for him to heal more quickly? He would have a better chance then. There must be something we can do instead of just waiting.” Her mind began racing with any way she could think of helping her dear friend as her eyes darted around her, and then finally lighted upon the Tardis. “I’m sure the Tardis can help him, since she’s his ship and they’ve been together for centuries. She probably knows him better than anyone else.”  
  
“She could, and she would,” Jack agreed with a sigh, as he glanced again at the Doctor, “but… he wouldn’t let her,” the man told her gently, and then at her confusion he explained. “I said before that the Master played with him, pushed his way into the Doctor’s mind and then did whatever he wanted to. And after a year of that, even once the Master was gone, he hurt him enough that the Doctor’s too terrified and fragile right now- even when he’s in what’s left of his right mind- to let someone, especially the Tardis, into his mind or even to touch him that way.”  
  
Sarah Jane stared at him, understanding dawning on her face, “afraid of the Tardis? But him and the Tardis, they’re…” She swallowed heavily, fighting back tears for what had been done to her dear Doctor. “They’re connected, tied together somehow. A Time Lord, and his Tardis.”  
  
“I’ve heard stories about that,” Jack commented, “how the two are bound to each other, dependent on the other to some degree. But during the Year That Never Was I think that connection waned to the point where it became very fragile and they were just very loosely tied. Then, after, when the Tardis tried to refresh their connection, he just panicked and pushed her away.”  
  
Sarah Jane sat opposite him, eyes slightly unfocused as she slowly filed through all the information Jack had told her in the short time since they’d met, the information about the Year That Never Was, and also what had happened between the Master and the Doctor. She found it difficult to believe anything so horrible had been done to the Doctor, her Doctor, but with her experience with the Master she knew that that sociopathic Time Lord was surely capable of it.  
  
“So, if not the Tardis, then,” Sarah Jane began to ask, but then there was a loud, anxious yell from behind her and suddenly the Doctor began thrashing around on the sofa.  
  
“Doctor!” the woman exclaimed worriedly and turned so she was sitting sideways on the couch next to the Doctor again. Her eyes moved quickly onto the hurt Time Lord and the sight of him tugged at her heart even more, so that she sighed and gently took his hand in her own.  
  
His brown eyes were open now, set wide in his pale face. But they didn’t seem to be focused, or aware of anything around them as he lay tossing and turning, the hand in hers pinned to the couch while the rest of his body moved and small beads of sweat ran down his pale skin.  
  
Holding his hand tightly as she gently brushed his hair away from his face, Sarah Jane glanced over at Jack to see him looking at the Doctor with such sadness in his dark eyes before he gave a soft sigh and ducked his head.  
  
“Jack? Jack, what’s wrong with him?” she asked quickly, using the Doctor’s hand in her own and a supportive hand on his shoulder to coax the Doctor up into a sitting position- being careful not to hurt him or let him hurt himself.  
  
The other man sighed and hesitantly raised his head to meet her eyes. “He’s in the middle of another nightmare. He has them fairly often now, almost every day.”  
  
“Nightmares?” Sarah Jane echoed, holding the Doctor tightly against her as she whispered soft reassurances in his ear.  
  
Jack nodded. “He’s had them for awhile now, ever since the Time War. But, before he could suffer through them quietly and I think the Tardis protected him somehow. Now though with the havoc the Master played on his mind he can’t tell the difference I think and with not having the connection to the Tardis they seem too real.” He glanced at her again; watching as the Doctor slowly calmed down in Sarah Jane’s arms until he finally stopped shaking and with a soft sigh went limp against her, finally looking peaceful.  
  
A pained half-smile curled the side of Jack’s mouth and he paused for a second before saying softly, “He trusts you. Despite everything, he trusts you.”  
  



	5. Chapter 5

  
After the fit he had had on Sarah Jane’s couch while the two of them talked, the Doctor seemed to return to the coma-like state he’d been in ever since Jack and Sarah Jane had brought him in from the TARDIS.  
  
No matter what they did, he didn’t respond. The only difference either of them saw was that he became calmer whey were near him, in the same room. Holding his hand, or holding him if he allowed it, worked the best to calm him. Especially when he was in the middle of one of his nightmares they often had to watch him suffer through; struggling with something invisible, and reaching out or shouting for someone.  
  
But the Doctor always stayed within his comatose state, even in the middle of his nightmares- although his eyes were sometimes open. He reacted to their presence as a kind of calming agent, but that was all.  
  
And because he kept himself locked away from them, as the days went by, they watched together as he seemed to fade away before their eyes. The man they had known as the Doctor fading away into little more than a shell.  
  
The TARDIS seemed to be worried as well. Every time Jack went to visit her, (he didn’t want her to get lonely), there was usually a tray of food or necessities waiting for him just inside the door. She appeared to want to make sure they were taking the best care of her Doctor as they could. And it was also nice since it meant that he or Sarah Jane didn’t have to go out very often.  
  
It was obvious the TARDIS wanted to do everything she could do to help her Doctor. But, even if she was a sentient time ship, and had been with the Doctor for centuries, there were still boundaries as to just how much she could do.  
  
The Doctor was away from her, out of her reach, and she could only rely on the two of them to help heal her Time Lord.  
  
It was true that during the Year, the Doctor had suffered a lot because of the Master. But, the TARDIS had also suffered, since she was the one who’d had to maintain the paradox for the entire year. Both of them had been warped in different, horrible ways by the Master.  
  
Although the Year may be over now, erased from the minds of the public as if it had never happened, the scars the three of them had suffered were still evident.  
  
But since they'd been able to escape the Master, maybe they would be able to trust each other again, and return to the way it had been when they were travelling together.  
  
But, during the horrific year, the Master had separated the three of them to completely different areas of the Valiant. They had been cut off from each other, only seeing the others when the Master let them. And that had only happened a few times during the entire year. Each of those times, the Doctor had seemed to have changed even more from how he’d been before this had all begun.  
  
All of this was because of the Master.  
  
And now, even though they were safe, it didn’t seem like anything had really gotten better. The one person, or thing, that could possibly help the Doctor right now- and after everything the Master had done, he didn’t trust her.  
  
No, that wasn’t exactly true. From the Doctor’s reaction when the TARDIS had tried to help him right before they had come to Sarah Jane’s he was terrified of and didn’t trust her.  
  
But, as day after day went by, and the Doctor still didn’t show any sign of waking or awareness, Jack began to run out of ideas, and to lose hope.  
  
It was just like the first time the Doctor had come to him after they’d separated following the Year. That time when it had taken the Doctor a long time to return to the real world from the darkness that had threatened and almost consumed him. This time though, his friend seemed to have withdrawn even further away. It was the TARDIS driving him away this time though, instead of the darkness that had still shadowed him coupled by the man’s enormous guilt complex.  
  
In the first few days, Sarah Jane simply said it would be best to leave him be, and let him come back to them himself. He seemed to benefit from their presence, so maybe, that was enough.  
  
But as the Doctor suffered through increasingly more nightmares, intense and horrific ones by the way he acted and screamed during them, Jack decided he’d had enough. They need to take some drastic action themselves, to do something that would shock the Doctor enough to bring him back, but at the same time not hurt him.  
  
When Jack had poised his idea to Sarah Jane, she had agreed that they needed to do something, but hadn’t agreed that they needed to do something exceptionally drastic. They just needed something to stop him from taking more of a turn for the worse.  
  
After many long, intense arguments between them, Sarah Jane had finally consented to going along with his plan.  
  
The two of them had argued a lot before they finally came to an agreement, and many times they’d stormed off, furious with each other. During that time, a lot of the things Sarah Jane said, and arguing about the Doctor, reminded him of what he’d seen during the Year, and what he and the Doctor had been through.  
  
Especially those few times he had seen the Doctor when the Master had brought the other Time Lord to see him in his cell. He remembered how distant and unfocused he’d seemed; he remembered the final time they’d seen each other before the end of the Year, how the Doctor had only reacted to the Master, not even seeming to notice Jack at all. Also the time when the Doctor had found him again, and then, after escaping, they’d managed to find the TARDIS. How together, the two of them had begun to fix her, only to have their attempts thwarted when the Master burst in and handcuffed the Doctor to the grating, barely in reach of the console, before returning Jack back to his cell. The next time he and the Doctor had seen each other had to been months later, and his friend had been incredibly distant.  
  
But all of that wasn’t important right now. The Doctor was their priority at the moment. Now though, Jack was just glad he finally managed to convince Sarah Jane of what needed to be done.  
  
Once they had finally agreed, Sarah Jane and Jack had waited until one of the times when the Doctor was more than usually aware, to carry out their plan.  
  
It was one of his better days, when he seemed to recognize them to some level, and didn’t have any nightmares during the day. But, even these times were disconcerting. He’d just sit or lay on the couch staring off into the distance. Or seemed to be asleep.  
  
They were both so used to seeing him running about, helping people and traveling, that seeing him just laying there was strange.  
  
But hopefully what they were planning to do would bring their Doctor back.  
  
It was a fairly risky plan, and if it backfired on them, it would probably hurt the Doctor even more.  
  
Jack wished they could do this in the comfort of Sarah Jane’s home, but they needed the TARDIS.  
  
So together, he and Sarah Jane led the Doctor out to the TARDIS. This time at least he seemed capable of walking on his own, instead of them having to carry him.  
  
As they led him out of the house and through the yard, the Doctor seemed to be confused about why they were going outside, but let them lead him to the TARDIS anyways.  
  
It wasn’t until they were actually in the TARDIS, surrounded by her concerned hum, that the Doctor finally seemed to become fully aware again.  
  
Just at the top of the ramp, with Jack and Sarah Jane on either side of him, the Doctor blinked and raised his head. He looked up to stare around the console room, as if it was familiar to him, even if he wasn’t sure why.  
  
As the Doctor looked around, Jack took a step away from his friend to watch him more easily.  
  
The Doctor’s eyes were more focused and clearer than they’d been before their second run-in with the Master, and he was actually interested in his surroundings. Maybe it meant that he was actually getting better, and that they should have brought him in here earlier.  
  
“Doctor?” Sarah Jane asked worriedly, watching as he stepped forward and up to the console.  
  
“I know this place,” the Doctor whispered softly, beginning to slowly walk around the console. “I’ve been here lots of times, it feels so familiar….”  
  
Jack moved to follow him, glancing at Sarah Jane as he said, “This is your ship, Doctor. The TARDIS.”  
  
Just as Jack said that, the Doctor turned to him, eyes wide.  
  
“The TARDIS? My TARDIS?” He asked with just a glimmer of hope. He leaned over towards the console and lightly laid his hand on it, eyes fluttering shut.  
  
Jack was almost sure that the Doctor and the TARDIS were reconnecting with each other again, healing the bond between them that had been worn thin during the Year. At least, it seemed like the Doctor was touching the console like he used to. In that affectionate, familiar way he’d noticed the Doctor do many times before when they’d traveled together.  
  
But then, everything went pear-shaped again.  
  
Suddenly the Doctor went completely still, tensing.  
  
“Doctor?” Jack asked, worried. The hum of the TARDIS that had sounded relieved and happy ever since they’d come in, now sounded worried and almost alarmed.  
  
He turned around to see Sarah Jane looking around the console room, frowning. Evidently she’d heard the change as well.  
  
“No, no! Get out! Get out!”  
  
Jack whirled around back towards the console as the Doctor suddenly started yelling, sounding terrified.  
  
He watched as the Doctor’s eyes flew open and he stumbled backwards to finally fall back against the metal railing.  
  
“Doctor!” Sarah Jane cried, and moved over to kneel next to him.  
  
Jack stayed where he was for the moment, watching them while listening to the TARDIS. She sounded extremely alarmed now, but he couldn’t be exactly certain what had just happened. That was, other than the Doctor panicking at something again.  
  
It seemed almost like when he had asked the TARDIS to help the Doctor right after they’d escaped from the Master. The same as what had happened to drive the Doctor so far away in the first place.  
  
He seemed to be back now though, hopefully for good if they could hold onto him.  
  
“Jack, could you come help please?” Sarah Jane’s voice asked impatiently.  
  
Jack started, distracted from listening to the TARDIS. “Yeah,” He agreed slowly as he turned.  
  
Sarah Jane was kneeling next to where the Doctor was curled up into a ball, hands pressed against the sides of his head. He wasn’t saying anything, but his eyes were squeezed tightly shut and he was tense, nearly shaking.  
  
“Oh, no. No, please no.” Jack muttered, moving quickly towards them.  
  
As Jack crouched nearby, Sarah Jane turned. “Do you know what’s happening to him?” She asked, seeking his expertise.  
  
Jack shook his head. “Not exactly. But, I think all she was trying to do was help him. The TARDIS didn’t mean to scare him like this.”  
  
Sarah Jane stared at him. “Scare him? How did she scare him? All we did was to bring him in here.” Her gaze changed, “Because of your plan.”  
  
“This wasn’t part of my plan,” Jack said, sounding defensive. “Yes, I had hoped to work with the TARDIS to bring him back. But, not like this.” He sighed, “It’s all the Master’s fault really. It’s because of him that the Doctor’s reacting to her this way.”  
  
“What exactly was your plan then?” The woman quizzed him, but instead of answering he moved in beside the Doctor.  
  
For a few long seconds Jack merely studied the Doctor, and then sighed at what he found. “Doctor?” Jack asked softly, nearly whispering. When the Time Lord didn’t seem to hear him, Jack warily reached up and gently unclenched the Doctor’s hands. He then took them in his own, and lowered their linked hands into the Doctor’s lap.  
  
“Doctor, please. I know the TARDIS scared you, but she didn’t mean to.” Jack lightly squeezed the thin, long-fingered hands in his. “Sarah Jane and I are here for you. You’re safe with us, and we’re in the TARDIS, which makes us even safer. There’s no one here who wants to hurt you, only help you.”  
  
The Doctor didn’t say anything, or seem to hear, but he didn’t relax slightly against the railing as Jack’s fingers intertwined with his. He also uncurled slightly, and stopped shaking, his panic appearing to be beginning to fade.  
  
“That’s it. It’s all right, Doctor. We’re all safe, just the three of us, here in the TARDIS.” Jack continued, moving closer in his eagerness. The hum of the TARDIS around them changed just slightly again, and to his ears it sounded almost apologetic. “The TARDIS really didn’t mean to scare you Doctor, she was just trying to help. That’s all.”  
  
“Doctor,” Sarah Jane said slowly, leaning in towards them. “You know the TARDIS; she would never hurt you on purpose. And neither of us would, either.”  
  
Jack glanced at her as she spoke, touched by the warmth in her voice. When she looked at him, he smiled and nodded at her.  
  
The sound of their voices and reassuring words seemed to finally reach the Doctor. He let out a long, slow shuddering breath, and his hands tensed in Jack’s.  
  
“Doctor?” Jack asked hopefully.  
  
The Doctor lifted his head slightly, and then a few seconds later his eyes slowly opened to fix unfocusedly on Jack.  
  
“Jack?” He whispered drowsily, and then blinked several times. “Why are you here? How’d you get here?” The Doctor frowned, “Is Rose here with you?”  
  
Before Jack could answer, the Doctor’s gaze drifted sideways to rest on Sarah Jane, his eyes still unfocused. “Sarah Jane,” he whispered in the same voice he’d spoken to Jack. “You’re here too.” The Doctor laughed softly, closing his eyes again. “Two hallucinations at once, this is new.”  
  
As Jack’s hope died away, Sarah Jane frowned, and said, “We’re not hallucinations, Doctor. We’re here; we really are here with you. You’re not hallucinating or dreaming.”  
  
The Doctor laughed again, barely shaking his head. “You always say that, all of you. And I still don’t believe you, won’t believe you.”  
  
“She’s telling the truth, Doctor. We are real,” Jack tried to reassure his friend. “You’re really not hallucinating.”  
  
The Doctor just shook his head again, and pulled his hands out of Jack’s to wrap his arms around his legs. “You’re just saying that. In a few minutes the Master will come in, and you two will disappear.” He paused, and then added sadly, “And so will the TARDIS.”  
  
“We won’t, Doctor. We won’t.” Jack said gently, taking one of the Doctor’s hands back in his own. “We’re real, I promise.” He slowly lifted their linked hands and pulled them towards his chest to rest them again his heart. “Just listen.”  
  
A few minutes into the silence that followed, Sarah Jane took the Doctor’s other hand to do the same thing, resting their hands against her heart. “Me too, Doctor.”  
  
As he listened to their heartbeats, the Doctor frowned, tensing slightly again as if he was readying to pull away. But then he slowly raised his head, eyes reopening. And this time, his eyes were clear and focused again.  
  
As the Doctor first looked at Jack, and then at Sarah Jane, there was hesitant belief in his eyes as he took the sight of them beside him. “Are you real? Are you two really here?” He whispered softly, his posture relaxing.  
  
Jack flinched at the lost look in his friend’s eyes, and the doubt in his voice. His reluctant belief was just another reminder of what the Doctor had gone through at the Master’s hands. To think that he didn’t even believe they were real…  
  
“We are real, Doctor.” Sarah Jane reminded him gently, smiling softly.  
  
Jack echoed her sentiment, watching carefully as realization and belief finally dawned in the Doctor’s eyes.  
  
In that moment, it was as if the Doctor had finally been returned to them. The light in his eyes had finally come back, and he was physically and mentally with them once more, not hidden away.  
  
A warm smile spread its way across his face. And then, tugging his hands out of theirs, he leaned in, pulling them into a loose group hug.  
  
After a few seconds of silent friendship, the Doctor rested his forehead on Jack’s shoulder. “I can’t believe it, this is real. You two are really here. And, we’re not on the Valiant. We’re in the TARDIS,” He whispered, his soft voice grateful.  
  
“We are, Doctor.” Sarah Jane agreed, resting a hand against his back. The feel of his hearts beating under her hand was the final reassurance she needed that he was there.  
  
“We’re right here,” Jack added quietly, placing his hand lightly on top of the Doctor’s head.  
  
The Doctor chuckled softly between them, and pressed himself even closer to them. “Thanks you two, thank you so much.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
Once the Doctor overcame his skepticism left over from the Year, he seemed to truly come alive again.  
  
  
The three of them spent time together, doing nothing but relaxing things, things that had nothing to do with saving the planet. And, as they did, the Doctor finally began smiling again. Not the wild, excited grins he made during their adventures, or at usually inappropriate times, but real ones. They were smiles that actually reached his eyes, mirroring the light and warmth that had returned to them.  
  
But, even though the Doctor was smiling, and more or less himself again, he didn’t seem to ever laugh or babble like he usually did.  
  
Of course, being the Doctor, he still talked a lot. But it never came near to babbling, even when he became excited- especially when Sarah Jane gave him permission to fiddle with her electronics. She hadn’t really wanted to, but with the look on his face as he asked, she hadn’t had the heart to refuse him. And when his sonic screwdriver was recovered, seeing him with his sonic in one hand and the remnants of her toaster in his lap and strewn about around him, it was just like old times.  
  
Jack and Sarah Jane left him alone at those times, content to let him fiddle away. His habit of fiddling with machinery, and most things in general, was just another quirk of his.  
  
One day passed, and then another, and another, as the Doctor seemed to be slowly but surely getting better. So Jack and the TARDIS began making plans for leaving.  
  
Although Jack was grateful to Sarah Jane for letting them stay at her house for so long while the Doctor recuperated, they needed to get going. And to let Sarah Jane get back to her usual life.  
  
The Doctor might not be his usual self just yet, but he was healing, finally. And as the two of them knew, it wouldn’t long before he got itchy feet and wanted to start traveling once more.  
  
Jack just wasn’t sure how well that would go over. Other than the time he and Sarah Jane had brought him back by leading him into the TARDIS, the Doctor only sometimes went inside her of his own accord. Even when he did, he never strayed from the kitchen, the med lab, the console room, or the library. Those were the only rooms he ever went to, and he never stayed long in any of them.  
  
Although the Doctor seemed to be starting to trust the TARDIS again, the intimacy and strong bond between them didn’t seem to have recovered as well. There weren’t any fond looks or words; he seemed to do his best to not even touch the walls or console if it wasn’t necessary. And when Sarah Jane or Jack happened to mention the TARDIS, he would pull away and quickly change the subject. It was as if anything about the TARDIS was now forbidden.  
  
Jack was fairly sure that although the TARDIS understood the Doctor’s feelings, she was still hurt. But even so, she continued to do her best to look after him, even if that meant not truly communicating with him.  
  
By the day when they’d decided to leave came around, the Doctor was more himself than he’d been yet. Not only was he smiling again, but the shadows had disappeared from his eyes. He’d also been driving them crazy ever since he had gotten his energy back, or was pretending to have at least. He was all smiles, and never standing still unless he was eating or tinkering.  
  
They just wondered how much was for their own benefit, and how much of it was real.  
  
Whatever the truth was, neither of them had a chance to find out since the Doctor continued doing his best to keep up his act, up until the point when he and Jack left on the TARDIS.  
  
Sarah Jane sent them off with a friendly hug and a small gift of food, although Jack protested they didn’t really need any.  
  
“Don’t give me that Captain. Knowing the two of you, I doubt you usually take the time to feed yourselves,” Sarah Jane admonished him, pushing the basket of food into his hands. “But you do need to eat, especially with how skinny he is at the moment,” She indicated the Doctor with her eyes, and then continued in a softer voice, “Take care of him, Jack. Please.”  
  
He nodded solemnly. Then, pulling her into a kind of one-armed hug, Jack whispered in her ear, “I will. I promise, Sarah Jane.”  
  
As he let go of her, she laughed and quietly thanked him.  
  
Sarah Jane then turned towards the Doctor, sighing silently when she saw that look in his eyes again. It wasn’t always there; it had just appeared after he’d finally woken up. But it was a sad look, one where most if not all his emotions were reflected in it, including doubt. He hadn’t completely flat-out denied their presence since that time in the TARDIS, but there were still times when she or Jack caught him watching them as if he thought they were about to vanish right in front of him. She wasn’t sure why, but Sarah Jane was sure it had to do with the still mysterious circumstances of the Year that Jack had told her a little about.  
  
Sarah Jane took a step towards him, smiling. “It was good to see you again, Doctor,” she whispered, taking his hands in her own. “You should come by more often, I love your visits.”  
  
She was glad to hear him make a weak chuckle at that, the doubt and sadness fading from his eyes. “Even though I usually bring trouble along with me?” He joked, and then frowned. “But, last time you said…”  
  
Sarah Jane shook her head, finding her eyes slightly wet. “Forget what I said, Doctor. Feel free to visit whenever you want. My door’s always open for you.”  
  
She pulled him into a loose embrace, and then moved away again. “Take care of yourself, Doctor.”  
  
He nodded. “I’ll try my best. And, thank you Sarah Jane.” The Doctor managed to give her a weak smile before quickly moving towards the TARDIS before she could say more.  
  
Jack began to move to go after him, but Sarah Jane stalled him with a hand on his shoulder. “Jack,” she said softly. “If I haven’t said this before, thank you.”  
  
He didn’t say anything, just gave her one of his winsome smiles. Then he followed after the Doctor, slipping inside the TARDIS.  
  
As she watched the TARDIS dematerialize, Sarah Jane sent a wish after them that they would both find healing soon.  



End file.
